LEGAL NOTICE: This site is beautiful satire, folks. The most beautiful satire you've ever seen. Many people are saying it's the greatest satire in history, maybe ever. Any resemblance to real persons, living in the white house, or make-believing they are a king, is tremendously intentional. No ketchup was harmed in the making of this website. Diet Coke button is for entertainment purposes only - we cannot guarantee actual Diet Coke delivery to any orange-faced toddler. Our lawyers (who are very stable geniuses) want you to know this is protected under the First Amendment, which we hear is very, very good. Tremendous amendment, maybe the best one, we don't know, that's what people are saying.
* All numbers displayed are certified by the Department of Alternative Facts. May cause extreme eye-rolling and spontaneous covfefe. Side effects include uncontrollable urges to yell "YUUUGE" and temporary gold-tinted vision.